i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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