you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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