I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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