I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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