i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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