I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Your dad touched me again.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize