I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
