Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
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