he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Randomize
