Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
