Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
The Olympian is in my bed
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
