i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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