Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize