well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
