I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
