I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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