if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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