The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize