How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
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