So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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