Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
