I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
