the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
