I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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