i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Randomize
