my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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