sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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