No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
