worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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