Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I just forgot I was standing up.
Randomize