i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
