So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Randomize
