He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
