We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize