We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
