Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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