update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
My breasts were aching with rage.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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