I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
