If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Randomize
