he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
