he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
