My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
