Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Randomize
