maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize