yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So squirting runs in the family.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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