I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
