how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Randomize
