Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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