Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My ass is underappreciated
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
