once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
