My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
