dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize