sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
