fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
