So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
Randomize
