Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize