i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize