doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
