I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
