this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
