Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
