ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
