Where is the hickey?
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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