saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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